One of the great dangers of leadership is the fact that the more power you have (or are believed to have), the better people will treat you. This phenomenon may take multiple forms, including:

• Shutting up. One of the great frustrations of being in a leadership position is that it can make it hard to engage in frank and open discussion. Why? Because as soon as you express an opinion – or as soon as people feel like they can tell what your opinion is – discussion can shut down as people decide “Well, if that’s what our leader thinks, I guess there’s no point in continuing the conversation.” As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, for this reason I try really hard to hold back on expressing my opinion on an issue until others have had a chance to express theirs. (I am far from perfect at doing this, however.)
• Insincere capitulation. A related problem is when people pretend to agree with you, even when they really don’t. Not only does this mean they pass up the opportunity to influence things in a direction they would prefer; it also means that you don’t get an accurate sense of what your people really think.

• Offering gifts or favors. Most people refrain from blatantly offering favors to their leaders, because they have an intuitive sense that doing so is both icky and inappropriate. But not everyone is blessed with that intuitive sense, and when you’re in a leadership position you will almost certainly, at some point, be faced with the necessity of kindly and graciously refusing an inappropriate gift or favor from a subordinate.
• Telling you what you want to hear. Poor leaders make it clear (either explicitly or implicitly) to those they lead that they do not want bad news. The classic line “Bring me solutions, not problems,” is one slightly less toxic expression of that tendency, but many of us have had experiences with leaders who punished anyone who brought them news they didn’t want to hear. Such punishment is usually more subtle than overt, but make no mistake: if you penalize the people you lead for giving you bad news, even in subtle ways, they will learn that lesson quickly and you will soon be hamstrung in your role as a leader.
• Flattery. This one is obvious. The more power you have (or are believed to have), the more likely it is that you’ll get compliments on your inimitable leadership style, your integrity, your charisma, your taste in clothes, etc. When deciding to what degree you’ll take such comments at face value, always ask yourself “How much power do I have over this person?,” and adjust accordingly.
• Funnier jokes. Related to flattery, but somewhat different, is the degree to which you’ll find that people laugh more at your jokes once you’ve ascended to a position of power. Trust me: you didn’t get funnier. What’s changed is that people have a greater incentive to make you think they appreciate your sense of humor.

So why is all of the above a problem? At one level, one could see all of these phenomena as legitimate perks of power: you worked hard to get where you are! You deserve gifts and flattery!

But obviously, to think that way would be disastrous – both morally and pragmatically. Morally, it will canker your soul; reveling in privilege turns one into a monster. And pragmatically, it will radically undermine your effectiveness as a leader. Leaders can’t function without the respect of those they lead, and the people you lead will lose all respect for you if they see you treating flattery as your due, or using your position to impose your will on them.

Takeaways and Action Items

• Not letting power go to your head is a constant struggle when you actually have power (or even when people just treat you as if you have power).
• The struggle is constant, but it’s essential to stay engaged. Don’t let down your guard.
• Think back to the last time someone you lead paid you a compliment. How did you respond? If you had been in the other person’s shoes, how would you have interpreted your response? Should it have been different, and if so, how – and why?